Trying To Find Peace...

~ Phoenix: A mythical bird of great beauty fabled to live 500 or 600 years in the Arabian wilderness, to burn itself on a funeral pyre, and to rise from its ashes in the freshness of youth and live through another cycle of years: often an emblem of immortality or of reborn idealism or hope ~

Meet Phoenix ....

 
How do you find peace after experiencing such a tragedy? I still do not know. I am tormented day and night by what has happened. It is still so hard to comprehend. It does not seem real. There is no way that this could not have happened to my horses...but it did...That is the sad reality.  My old life ended on January 15th and my new life had no choice but to begin.  I am still so far from feeling good, but the healing process has begun.  I have no choice, but to move forward and try to make the most of this new life.  I have this beautiful bay horse waiting for me to love on him and show him his new life.  He is kind and sweet, he is very talented...he is what I need right now to put the pieces of my life back together again.  I'm a little reserved towards him, but I love him already and I know that it is just going to take time to let him in..as it is going to take time for him to let me in.  I am thankful for him though.  I am thankful for all of you who helped buy him...He is as much all of yours, as he is mine.  I am looking forward to showing everyone that their money was put to very good use.  He is similar to Scooby, so I am hopeful that he is going to have a bright eventing future.  Although I have not even sat on him yet, I have big plans for this summer.  It is very typical of me to put together a competition schedule for a new horse before they even have my saddle on their backs, so by making future plans for him, I have some comfort that I am still holding onto a piece of my old self.  I did not lose everything per say..I just need to continue to searching for the me that I was just three and a half short weeks ago.  I am hoping that as time moves forward, I find the happiness that I so desperately want and need.  There will not be a day that goes by that I do not think about Scooby and Kaz, hurt for the suffering that they experienced, have anger that none of us could help them, or have self pity for what was taken from me way too early, but I do know that I am strong willed and very stubborn...I know that I can overcome this and find happiness again...I have a wonderful husband, a very strong support system in all of you and a beautiful future eventer in Phoenix....It will be a long, emotional journey, but I am up for it...I love all of you for the support that you have shown us and hope that you will all still be there as we rebuild...


                 I love you Scooby Who and Cassidy Blue.....