The Silver Lining

~ Grief steals all the beauty in the world , then gives it back one piece at a time until the house you call your home is built on more hope than sorrow ~

Lately I have been reading a lot of self healing novels and this quote really struck me because it is very true.  Up until January, I had never experienced a true personal tragedy.  I thought I did when my very dear friend lost her husband in a sudden accident (Tom is actually the reason I sport the pink with blue!).  I thought that after living it with her, I could truly feel her pain..I could not though.  I still can not..I have a definite understanding of loss, but on a different level.  After the fire and experiencing the loss of Scooby and Kaz, I am on a different mental level than I ever was before.  I am realizing that the things that I worried so much about, really do not matter...I am also realizing that I need to enjoy this life and the time that I have here, because in a blink of an eye, it can all be gone.  This is something that I always thought I knew, but I had no clue...It is impossible to have this understanding unless you have experienced it.  It is true..This is something positive that I am taking out of the fire.  In between the bad days,  I have these amazing days where I feel empowered and excited to tackle my new future.  I do not have the fears of failure anymore.  When you hear the statement "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger", believe me, it is very factual.  This broke me down to the lowest point of my life, but I am gradually emerging stronger than ever possible.  Having this new outlook is going to be with me forever and that is something to be thankful for...

Now about Phoenix!

                               Can you tell that he is doing awesomeeeeeee!



 I am sorry that I have not posted about him for several weeks.  You all deserve to hear frequent updates on him and I promise to be better about it.  Let me quickly fill everyone in on his training...This is his fifth full week of hard work and he has been nothing short of amazing!  I always forget that he has only been off of the track for less than two months!  His flatwork is doing amazing and his movement is really beginning to open and swing!  He is looking more and more like Scooby every day!  When he is totally relaxed, he feels like Scooby!  He is pretty exceptional...Scooby was definitely looking down on me with this horse...His jumping is coming along very nicely as well!!!  He is showing fantastic natural ability and scope!  He even did his first cross country type fences last Sunday.  Bri's boyfriend, Scott, made us some small log jumps out in our one field, so naturally, I was out there the next day!!!  Phoenix was not phased by anything, but was insistent on giving me some happy hops departing from the first two of fences!  He is definitely Scooby in a coming 5 year old body!  Chris and I are taking him to his first real cross country schooling next weekend, and I am ohhh so excited!!!  From there, we will be planning a second schooling in April and then his first Horse Trial in May.  He is scheduled to do two or three schooling hts in May and depending on how he does, the tentative plan is to make our USEA debut together at Plantation Field in June....Can you believe it?  The strong possibility of returning to recognized competition by the beginning of June?!?!  He is doing so well that Chris and I have even joked that I could have him ready for Difficult Run in May!  That is my favorite place to compete at and if I thought he could actually be competitive, I would prob do it!  Realistically, I am preparing for a fire breathing dragon who will want to zoom around the dressage arena for the first show or two.  I would like to get all of that out of his system before paying the entry fees for USEA comps, so several schooling shows it is!  Did I ever mention that Scooby's first show was quite scary?!  Hahaha...Yes,  I couldn't even get on him in the Dressage warm up!  I had to warm him up in a quiet field and even after trotting for a straight hour, his dressage test was a complete jig!!  I always love speaking to the Dressage judges after those initial schooling shows with green ottbs...HA!  Scooby did go on to become my strongest, most solid and consistent dressage horse ever.  Phoenix has that ability as well..It will just take some exposure to get to that point.

 Enjoy all of our videos =))  I am sorry again that I was not more prompt with these....Btw, the pink helmet cover is going very soon!!!!

This video is from about three weeks ago (3-11-12).  It was his third jumping session.  After the grid, I was working to teach him a correct, slow hand gallop (pushing from the butt and working to stay light up front).  He has come a long way between then and now =)

This video is also from 3-11-12.  I was again working on a correct hand gallop.  He was much better to the left and some of his movement was pretty impressive for a future upper level eventer =)  He is going to cover ground!!!  Phoenix was actually bred for long distances and most of his races were between a mile to a mile and a half!  Perfect for an eventer!!

These next two videos are from last weekend (3-25-12).  It was his  first time jumping cross country type fences =))

Today I should be competing Scooby and Kaz at Morven Park...I had worked very hard up until the fire for this weekend.  It was in my thoughts every day and I was so excited to debut Kazzy to the eventing world.  Although I have not even checked the scores because I feel it will be too hard for me, I am doing surprisingly well... I spent the rainy morning with Phoenix and had another great jumping session!  I will never get over the loss of my boys, but by having Phoenix and developing a very different outlook on life,  I am beginning to see the Silver Lining of this tragic experience...